Dating
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Work from the inside out
October 19, 2025
Remember a breakup has a grieving process (after all it is the death of a relationship) this process can also occur with a long-term friendship; a family break up or even falling out of love with a career path as well as those who we are in love with.
This grieving process can feel like an emotional roller coaster, and you can re-visit stages multiple times and the stages don’t necessarily come in order. It’s also worth pointing out that both sides are going through it, it’s not just you, which can often lead to conflict especially if you’re at the angry, resentful, hurt stage at the same time.
This grieving process can feel like an emotional roller coaster
Briefly those stages are:
- Ambivalence: “Was it the right thing to do to break up?”
- Denial and shock: “This cannot be happening!”
- Anger & resentment “How dare they do this to me?”
- Bargaining and negotiation: “Things will be different next time”
- Sadness: “Noone will ever love me”
- Acceptance & healing: “I am over it now, I will be ok”
- Growth & moving on: “I have moved on, I am happy for them, whatever they are doing”
Once you hit the growth & moving on stage it’s worth having a good look at yourself, your internal feelings, and dealing with any emotional clutter you may have before moving on.
Let’s get real there is an old-fashioned saying “it takes two to tango”.
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No relationship breakdown is ever 100% one person’s fault, there maybe things you could have said, done, reacted, and ways you personally could have changed, or internal reasons that it went that way and if you don’t do some internal work there is a danger that you will choose the same type of person, build the same connections, react the same way, go into the relationship with the same mind set and so you will make the same old mistakes all over again.
It’s easy to blame the person you broke up with for all the mistakes and wrong doings, but if you look deep inside, you might need some help, advice, and support too.
Most people are quite likely to make some changes externally, a personal change in style, get fit, lose some weight, make aesthetic changes to themselves and the way they outwardly look and appear BUT it’s much more likely you need to change your inside game to get different results.
If we need an expert in most areas of our life, we find one so, why would love be any different?
There is lots of help there and any good coach, therapist, or advisor in any area will always steer you in the right direction if they can’t help.
Start with some self-care, read some books, join a community, ask for referrals, and go from there, once you learn to love yourself, you’ll be surprised what’s round the corner.
If you’re looking for a great community with like-minded singles, and some expert help thrown in, look no further than Not a Date…
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